“Okay, ladies, today we’re going on an adventure!” I exclaimed to a small group of women sitting in front of me on the patio of A Course In Miracles Bookstore. All of them were excited, but had no idea what to expect. This wasn’t any ordinary group. These women were a part of my workshop for moms. Over the past weeks the moms had been stretched beyond their wildest imaginations, learning to love and embrace the way they were created. They had already learned tools to recognize and release fear, blame, judgment and pain, and had begun to discover the beauty and gifts in each of them. So on this day, it was time to play.
“Your adventure today is to walk into the bookstore and be open to God’s guidance. You’re going to stay open and centered and allow God to show you something that you’re ready to see. This is a message that will help put your life in the flow and be more at ease.”
Eyes bulged and grins spread across each of the moms’ faces. I’m not sure if at that moment they were grins of joy or grins masking the fear. I know some of the women were still not convinced that they would be able to do the assignment. They believed these kinds of miracles might happen for others, but not for them. I could relate. I never believed I was worthy of this kind of love either.
Until I hit my mid 30’s, I believed the only way to receive love was if you were perfect and others approved of you. This left me empty and made me angry. In fact, I was so angry that I used to take it out on my loved ones and even tried to beat up my husband! I discovered over time, however, that the reason I was angry was because I didn’t believe it was okay to receive love just for being me.
I’ll never forget the day I sat down at the beach and went into a deep meditation. I didn’t like the way I was feeling toward a friend. I felt jealous and envious of her. It seemed that she constantly had miracles in her life. At that time, I didn’t. I didn’t believe I was worthy of that kind of love. So I sat in meditation and asked, “God, why does it seem that my friend is the chosen one?”